Danger was the name of the game when Jack Gray and I decided to canoe the Lower Zambezi, a river infested with Crocodile, Hippo, Elephant, and the Tiger Fish; a river surrounded by Lions, Baboon, Hyena and the hardly innocuous warthog. We set out to envelop, to submerge ourselves in the type of danger our sallow peers in States have never experienced in the entirety of their white bread lives. The type of danger they will never encounter until they find themselves on the precipice of their existence, gazing into the unrelenting jaws of death.
Danger was what we set out for and what we received. From the moment we set foot on Breezers Hunting and Fishing Lodge, just outside the border town of Chriundu, we knew were in the right place. Jack and I headed to the bar, even though the time on the clocks read 8:30 am. It had been a long day. After consuming a couple of Windhooks, the Namibian Lager to which I have become addicted (not in the alcoholic sense), we ventured out to look at the Mighty Zambezi. A sign on the edge of the water caught my eye. It read, “Beware of Crocodiles and Hippos”. I looked across the river and saw a flag. The Zimbabwean flag. A feeling pulsed through my veins and washed over my body. I felt it in my lions. We were balls deep in danger.
The following is a journal of all that transpired during our dangerous trip. It is not for the faint of heart. The author is not responsible for the convulsions, cardiac arrests, seizures, extended episodes of incontinence, uncontrollable flatulence or blindness that will almost certainly result from reading the following. Proceed with care,
We sat by the water, taking in our dangerous surroundings, aware and calm. Eventually, as chance would have it, the man charged to be guide down the Zambezi, Martin, approached us. A fit Zambian, Martin led us up the bank to our canoes, Canadian in origin and apparently sea worthy. Martin then entreated us to listen, and listen well, as he laid out clearly the four dangers of the river we were about to float. First, he said, one must be ware of crocs. Crocs are aggressive, Martin said, and deadly. You may not hang limbs out of the canoe, he said.. You may attempt to retrieve them and realize that they are no longer attached to your body. To the submerged croc, the hand or leg is not part of a human. It is a piece of meat. And they are meat eaters. Second, Martin slowly and clearly elucidated, beware of Hippos. Hippos are also aggressive and deadly. They lurk under the water and are liable to pop up without a moments warning. If you are next to a hippo when it pops up, stay calm. The hippo may become angry with you and knock you out of your canoe. It may then inflict a deadly wound on your body using its jaws. It is really the luck of the draw, said Martin, so there is no use losing your composure. I admired his logic.
Third, continued Martin, one must always beware of invisible obstacles. All around this mighty river there lie great, unseen dangers, objects just under the water that will upset the canoe without your knowledge. Again, philosophized Martin, best not to think about it.
Finally, Martin cautioned us about the wind. The wind blows wildly on the Zambezi, often creating swells on the narrow waterway capable of upsetting ones vessel, laying its occupant bare to the whims of various underwater predators.
Martin then inquired whether any of the four of us on the trip (the other two being our friends Carly and April) had any canoeing experience. Jack and I replied that we did, and the girls noted they did not. Martin instructed the two boys to steer in the back and the two girls sat up front. We stowed our bags and disembarked, a little giddy at the prospect of spending the next days attempting to circumvent the dangers laid out so clearly by our man Martin.
It took me a little while to hit my canoeing groove. That while coincided with one of the most dangerous hippo interactions of the trip and the sighting of the biggest croc ever spotted. These sights penetrated me, penetrated me clear to my core. The tables had turned. Danger was balls deep in me.
The dire situation will be explained in part 2 of the series. Pictures to accompany.
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